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7 characters that destroy relationships

It is important to identify your own destructive spirits first and acknowledge that sometimes your relationship stops working because of your own making



Victor Salamba addresses a congregation

Today I want to share about destructive relationship spirits. These are the parts of our character that sabotage our relationships, if not subdued. When they arise, we do not see the other person but to fixate on ourselves.

It is important to identify your own destructive spirits first and acknowledge that sometimes your relationship stops working not because of externalities, but because you are knowingly/unknowingly engaging bad spirits.

1. The spirit of the score-keeper. Relationships were designed to be mutually beneficial but not quid pro quo. Score keepers always measure the relationship based on what they receive not what they give. When they give, there are always strings attached.

2. The spirit of a saint. The saint is the person in the relationship who never sees fault with themselves but rather finds fault with everyone else. They are addicted to fault finding and criticism. They often play the victim card and are the ones ‘always wronged’ in relationships.

3. The spirit of the warlord. This is generally the abusive person in the relationship, and s/he is frequently looking for open confrontation. Their tone and general demeanour is ridden with conflict. They are always ready for a fight.

4. The spirit of the silent warlord. This is the kind of person who is very conniving and plans ways and means to frustrate you. They are the ones who do not shout, but do things that will make you shout. They plot and skim ways to frustrate and make your life difficult.

READ ALSO: Five steps to build strong relationships

5. The spirit of the bottomless pit. These are the hardest people to please. People with this spirit do not know how to receive. If they receive attention, it is never enough! They resist compliments, complain and play the victim. Unlike the saint who always finds fault with other people, the bottomless pit is overly needy and sensitive.

6. The spirit of mis-direction. This is more common in men than women. It’s a brilliant defence mechanism that ensures critical issues are never addressed. People with this spirit always keep their partners busy with stories that are not relevant. They confuse with jokes and are even willing to create conflict to avoid discussing issues.

7. The spirit of comfort. The person with this spirit believes that relationships manage themselves. They often seem not to remember incidents, information, etc. and are quick to declare “I do not know/remember” in conversations. They put little effort in peace or connection, they sit and relax. They know what to do, but almost never rise to do it.

Have you identified your bad spirit/s? What steps are you taking to make relating with you easier?

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Victor Salamba is a relationship coach and presenter at Radio Waumini. Your quality of life is determined by the quality of your Relationships. Relationships are Journeys, Our Personal Journey, Our Journey with others and our Journey with God. Email:

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